Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Our Daily Lenten Devotional - small surrender


God wants our honest thoughts and feelings, as any lover does—not what we're supposed to say or feel. —Murray Bodo

Some friends of mine recently returned from a visit to Italy, where they had seen the city of Pompeii, destroyed by a volcanic eruption in the first century after Christ. People who visit Pompeii often comment on the pornographic art displayed on the walls there. My friend, who was shocked as others have been, looked up at Mount Vesuvius and told God she understood why he had decided to wipe the place out.

"Oh, I hope that isn't true," I answered. "Because if it is, that means all the comments about God sending Katrina to destroy New Orleans might also be true." I have heard many discussions about God and hurricanes, about God and 9/11, God and the tsunami of December 2004. These are disasters of biblical proportions, and it is easy therefore to blame them on God.

Actually, I don't subscribe to the view that disasters are generally sent by God to chasten us. But as I reflected on this question, I realized I had never brought the matter up directly with God. That would be too awkward, too embarrassing! I'm the sort of person who shrinks from confronting God. I prefer to bury my questions under polite inquiries. I'm devious that way.

Now really, why would I do that? How can relationships be built on subterfuge? God wants our honest feelings. Abraham sets a fine example when he questions God about the people of Sodom. Would God spare the city if there were fifty good people there? Or forty? Or thirty? Or ten?

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, an authority on death and dying, assures us that we can put our toughest questions to God. We can be angry with God. We can complain. The truth is, God can take it.

Even more important, God is seeking a genuine relationship. God wants more than a polite, diplomatic sort of conversation in which the cards are held close to the vest. He is looking for a frank and open dialogue. If we don't put our honest thoughts and feelings before God, we will never have a chance at a real exchange. In the spiritual life, such honesty is a fundamental, necessary surrender.

God says, "I don't want your sacrifices, your burnt offerings. What I want is you." Only our frankness will make such intimacy possible.

The truth is that we are often afraid to be open with God. We are not so fearful of unanswered prayers, though that is a serious issue. But what worries us more is what may happen is we make a real connection. Possibly God will ask something of us, expecting more than we are willing to give.

The Bible gives several examples of this kind of encounter...

In the Psalms we read this:

Sacrifice and offering you do not desire,
but your have given me an open ear.
Burnt offering and sin offering
you have not required.
Then I said, "Here I am;
in the scroll of the book it is
written of me."

God welcomes our honesty. God is saying, "Show me the real person that you are."

Sometimes we are ashamed to be ourselves, before others and before God. Sometimes what we need most is to accept ourselves as we really are. Possibly we may need to change. In either case, as we see in Psalm 51, honesty is the place to begin: "The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

This, too, is a small surrender, when we drop our masks and disguises and present ourselves authentically to God. It is another kind of repentance, a way to return.

Excerpted from: Small Surrenders: A Lenten Journey by Emilie Griffin

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