Questions and answers from the Five Love Languages

Here are a couple of questions and answers from The Five Love Languages web site and by Dr. Gary Chapman:

Q: My husband and I have the exact same love language. Why do we feel disconnected?

A: Many times, if a couple happens to have the same love languages, they have different dialects within those languages. So, you still think that what makes you feel loved makes them feel loved. The best way to handle that is to say to them, “Okay, so Words of Affirmation is your love language. It’s my love language too. What are the kinds of words that you like to hear from me? And where do you like to hear them? In private or in public?” So, find out something about the nuances of speaking their love language. That’s the key: learning to speak their language and their dialect of that language.


Q: Is it possible to have more than one primary love language?

A: The short answer is “yes.” I’m often asked that. People will say, “It seems to me that two of those languages are just about equal for me.” And I say, “Fine, we’ll call you bilingual.” But most people have a primary love language, a secondary love language and then the other three fall in line after that. But I do think that for some people a couple of these will be just about equal. And what that means is both of those will speak very deeply to you emotionally. So if your spouse or friend is sharing either one of those languages, it’s going to be very meaningful to you. But keep in mind that most people have a primary love language and the key is you have to give heavy doses of the primary then you can sprinkle in the other four to get extra credit.