By Thom Rainer |
“I don’t want you take this personally, pastor, but we are
leaving the church.”
Yeah. Right.
The church member might as well have stabbed the pastor
with a knife while noting it was not personal.
One of the most painful and personal aspects of a pastor’s
ministry is the departure of church members. Of course, I am referring to
church members who stay in the community, not those who move out of town.
Those who choose to leave a church, no matter the reason,
need to understand that your pastor will likely be hurt. Sometimes deeply hurt.
Instead of rationalizing all the reasons why a pastor should not be hurt, allow
me to let you see inside the mind and heart of a pastor.
Here are five reasons
why many pastors are hurt so deeply when members leave the church.
1.
It feels like personal rejection. One
pastor articulated this pain to me well: “What did I do to cause them to leave?
They were some of my biggest supporters. What don’t they like about me
anymore?”
2.
Relationships have developed. Most
pastors have developed a deep love for their church members. They care for
them. They defend them. They are there for them. The members’ departures are
often abrupt, leaving the pastor with a type of grief and questioning.
3.
There has been much time invested. “I
discipled him, and my wife discipled his wife,” the pastor told me. “We
invested so much in that family. It feels like we have been betrayed.”
4.
There is concern for the overall morale of
the church. Other church members are often hurt when a
fellow church member departs. The pastor is thus hurting because of the
departure, and because of a concern for the morale of the remaining church
members.
5.
There is a fear others will follow. We
often say that relationships are the best way to get people in the church.
Unfortunately, relationships are often the most common reason people will leave
a church. The pastor thus is hurt and concerned that other members will follow
the departing members.
This issue is largely an unspoken issue among pastors to
one another, and among pastors to church members. The departure of a church
member is no small thing to a pastor. It is personal, painful, and can even
lead to depression.
Let me hear from you.
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