My dad was an electrical engineer and filled his shop in
our basement with the most amazing gizmos. Transistors, capacitors,
transformers, electrical tools and every conceivable gadget lined the shelves
and entertained me for hours.
My favorite gadget was a neon sign transformer. A
transformer is a device that either steps up or steps down current. The metal
green box in a yard down your street or the cylindrical container on a
telephone pole near your house is a transformer that steps down high-voltage
power to 220 volts that comes into your house. So what does a transformer have
to with an emotionally anxious leader? Read on.
With my dad’s neon sign transformer, I made what is called
a Jacob’s ladder. I attached two three-foot wires to the leads on each side,
and bent the wires into a V. When I plugged it in, a multi-thousand volt spark
started at the bottom of the V and arced to the top. In this case, the
transformer stepped up the household current to over two thousand volts. My
Jacob’s ladder created lots of really cool sparks that appealed to my geekish
interests. And I got shocked by it only once.\
A leader is like a transformer. By his responses, he can
either defuse an emotional setting like a heated board meeting or can act like
a step-up transformer by reacting and increasing anxiety, thus causing lots of
not-so-cool sparks, as we leaders often do. Through a calm presence with
emotional people, a leader can act like an emotional step-down transformer,
decreasing the group’s anxiety by letting it pass through him without getting
zapped.
Sometimes as leaders, however, we can characterize
emotionality and anxiety one-dimensionally as defensiveness.
But chronic
anxiety, the low level anxiety we seem to never shake, fuels emotionality and
shows up in eight ways that I call “the eight Fs of chronic anxiety.” It
manifests itself differently in different people. As you read the list below,
consider which F tempts you the most.
Fight: Emotionally reacting and
becoming defensive (how we usually describe emotionality)
Flee: Emotionally or
physically cutting off from others in anxious situations
Freeze: Not knowing what to do,
thus not taking a position; offering no opinion and/ or staying neutral when
you should take a position
Fuse: Losing your identity by
glomming on to others’ wants and desires, compromising convictions, seeking
unity at all costs and/ or trying to force everybody to be one big, happy
family
Fixate: Easily getting
triangled into unhealthy relationships and conflict
Fix: Overperforming to fix
somebody else’s problems or doing for others what they should do for themselves
Flounder: Becoming
passive, underperforming, or giving up
Feed/ fornicate/ finances: Inappropriately
yielding to base impulses by turning to food, illicit sex/ pornography or
inappropriate use of money
When we are tempted to deal with our anxiety with one of
the 8 F’s, we must look to Jesus.
Jesus experienced the full range of human emotions. He wept
when he heard that Lazarus had died. He became angry at the temple
moneychangers. He felt a heavy heart in the garden of Gethsemane. Yet his
behavior reflected anything but anxious reactivity.
Jesus’ response to his enemies throughout his trial and
crucifixion, as 1 Peter 2: 23 illustrates, continues to amaze me.
“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not
retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself
to him who judges justly.”
Every time I recall this verse, I stand in awe. Although Jesus
possessed God’s power to destroy his detractors, he didn’t. Rather, he leaned
into his heavenly Father to respond appropriately to hardship. Likewise, as we
lean into our heavenly Father, he gives us what we need to say no to reactivity
and dealing with our anxiety in unhealthy and sinful ways.
The Bible tells us that the Lord has given us everything we
need to live a godly life. Second Peter 1: 3 is so powerful as it encourages us
with these words.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life
and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and
goodness.”
God has crafted our bodies and brains, our souls and minds,
and our regenerated hearts with the capability to cool our emotions in the
midst of emotionality. Acting calmly when tempted to do otherwise glorifies
him.
What has helped you deal with anxiety that ministry often
brings?
Used by permission. Stone, Charles (2014-01-01). People-Pleasing
Pastors: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Approval-Motivated Leadership (Kindle
Locations 2415-2432). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition.
Charles Stone is the senior pastor of
West Park Church in London, Ontario, Canada, the founder of StoneWell
Ministries and the author of several books. This post was originally published
on CharlesStone.com.
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