Pastors may be the most well-known, loneliest men on the
face of the earth. Friendship is a vital part of New Testament ministry and
leadership. Without quality, biblical
friendships, we are modeling a flawed Christian lifestyle for our
church members. Yet, for many, the difficulties of pastoral friendships
outweigh the benefits.
Most pastors find themselves in an unhealthy relationship
where their wife is their only friend and counselor. If a pastor
continues to project his problems onto his wife, she will grow
disillusioned and desperate to leave the ministry. I believe a pastor’s wife
should be his best friend, but she should not be his only friend.
In my 30 years of ministry, I have learned that every
pastor needs at least four types of friends.
The
developer
Your best friend will always be the person who brings out
the very best in you. According to Billy Graham, he wouldn’t have made it as an
evangelist if he had to minister alone. Over 53 years ago, Billy
Graham met his staff and best friends: Cliff Barrows, George
Beverly Shea and Grady Wilson. These three men protected him, strengthened him,
counseled with their wisdom and corrected him when he needed it. He is
convinced that without these friends he would have burned out within a few
years after his first groundbreaking crusade in 1949 (Just as I Am: The
Autobiography of Billy Graham, pp. 125-129).
Developer friends will bring the gift of encouragement to a
pastor’s life and bring out the very best in him.
The
designer
We tend to think of a mentor
as a personal, hands-on coach. The Latin and Greek define them more as
“advisors” or “wise men.” Jesus was a master mentor. He ministered to
thousands, trained hundreds, equipped 12 and had an intimate friendship with
three men.
The designer mentors us in our marriage, ministry,
child-rearing, civic involvement, business acumen or any area where we need a
model. Designer mentors may live near or far, be acquaintances or strangers, or
may even be dead. They “design” our lives through Scripture, books, tapes,
articles or seminars.
The
disturber
We need friends who will shake up our status quo.
Disturbers ask us difficult questions, forcing us to take a closer look at
motivations and ambitions. Disturbers know when we have retreated into our
comfort zones, and they call us out to greater effectiveness. God uses
disturbers in our lives to become the object of greater force that breaks
inertia and propels us to greater achievement.
A biblical picture of a disturber is in Deuteronomy 32:11.
In this passage, the mother eagle tears up the soft nest to reveal sharp thorns
that bring discomfort to the eaglets. Because of discomfort, the eaglets leave
the nest and learn to fly. The mother develops her young by repeatedly pushing
them out of the nest and catching them until they become skilled flyers. Eagles
were never meant to stay in the nest, and neither were we. The disturber pushes
us to learn to fly.
The
discerner
In a lifetime of relationships, perhaps only a handful of
people are willing to play this vital role because it requires
mutual vulnerability. More popularly known as accountability partners,
discerners bring the gift of spiritual insight into our lives. They know how to
speak the truth in love. They know how to exhort and rebuke, seeking to keep
their friend on the right track. They are also vulnerable—the true friends who
will walk into the room of your life while everyone else is walking out.
Proverbs 27:6 reads, “The wounds of a friend are
trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.” Always be slow in
choosing your discerners and even slower in leaving them.
If you are a typical pastor without close friendships, I
urge you to seek them out. They may keep you in ministry for the long haul, and
your wife will thank you.
By Ike
Reighard
First Posted HERE
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