WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE JOKE? Friday Funnies

 For over 40 years I served in pastoral ministry and have a file of many jokes.  There is a humorous saying that a pastor from my generation is known for a sermon structure of a joke, three points and a poem. This is not entirely true but I do believe humor is important in communication of the gospel.  With that, here are a few.  Probably one of my favorites is the following:

An elderly pastor was searching his closet for a tie before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100--$1.00 bills.

He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box for the entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her “why?”

The wife replied that she hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he delivered a poor sermon, she placed an egg into the box.

The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked what about the $100.00 for.

She replied, “Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbor for $1.00!

Here’s a bonus joke I love to tell:

A preacher, who shall we say was “humor inspired”, attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well-known and dynamic speakers.

One such speaker, boldly approached the pulpit, gathered the entire crowd’s attention, and said, “the best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn’t my wife!”

The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, “And that woman was my mother!”

The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his speech, which went quite well.

 

The next week, the pastor decided he’d give this humor thing a try, and used that joke in his sermon. As he approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday morning, he tried to rehearse this joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone, he said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spend in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!” The congregation inhaled half the air in the room! After standing there for almost 10 seconds in stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurred out, “…and I can’t remember who she was!”

Alright, one final joke for you to enjoy:

As the elderly man lay dying in his bed, death’s agony was suddenly pushed aside as he smelled the aroma of his favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, supported himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. In labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen.

There, spread upon the newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally HUNDREDS of his favorite chocolate chip cookies!

Was I heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table. The aged and withering hand quivering, made its way to a cookie near the edge of the table; feeling the warm soft dough actually made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of cookies was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.

He reached for another cookie. What then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to recoil? He looked to see his wife, still holding a spatula she has just used to smack his hand.

“Stay out of those cookies!’ she said, “They’re for your funeral!”