1. Don't sweat
the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One
tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is
a non-prophet organization.
4. If man
evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. I went to a
bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
6. What if
there were no hypothetical questions?
7. If a deaf
person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
8. If someone
with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a
hostage situation?
9. Is there
another word for synonym?
10. Where do
forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
11. What do
you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
12. If a
parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
13. Why do
they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
14. If a
turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
15. Can
vegetarians eat animal crackers?
16. If the
police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
17. Why do
they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
18. How do
they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
19. What was
the best thing before sliced bread?
20. One nice
thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
21. Does the
little mermaid wear an algebra?
22. How is it
possible to have a civil war?
23. If one
synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
24. If you try
to fail and succeed, which have you done?
25. Whose
cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
26. Why is it
called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
27. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
28. Can an
atheist get insurance against acts of God?
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