The simple implementation of the Monday rule can
significantly change the climate of your church for the better.
New Vintage Church has worked, unofficially, at creating
a “Monday Rule” culture. We've never stated it officially, but is understood by
most of our people nonetheless because we have encouraged it from our
beginning. Staff abides by it, as well. It has never been stated
explicitly, but we do coach it as we can.
It’s
the Monday rule, which might be stated this way:
“If
you have concerns or the feel the need to complain, do it Monday (or another
day of your choice). Please don’t do it Sunday—or when the church is gathered
for worship.”
To clarify, we aren’t saying people should never complain
or voice concerns.
We are saying there is a time and place for it—and that’s
not Sunday mornings during or around the time the church is gathered for
worship. What we are doing when the church gathers is cherished by God and
important for the building up of the Body and calling our church to mission.
Every Sunday, we have guests come searching for God, not a solution to the
complaints of Sister Sue or Brother Bill.
The Body needs strengthening and encouragement. She needs
her mission clarified and her calling reinvigorated. She needs to hear from
God. That’s what the weekends are for.
One of the greatest services leadership can provide the
church is the effective handling of the church’s concerns, which includes the
timing of such dealings—not just making sure they are heard.
Implementing the Monday rule will do more for your
church’s weekend assemblies than nearly anything. It keeps the air fresh. It
honors God over our temporary concerns.
A couple of assumptions can be made reasonably about
people who complain chronically on Sundays.
First, they lack a sense of the impact of their comments
on others—especially staff or those whose spiritual frame of heart impacts
others that day.
Second, they lack spiritual focus during times that are
unique in the practice of the church—and their complaining will spread this across
the Body if not checked.
Third, they likely do this because of proximity. They
want to get it dealt with right then—because it could consume their time and
energy to do it another time. So, they’d prefer to use yours on their terms
rather than deal with the problem another way.
Implementing the Monday rule shepherds a person on all
three fronts, and accomplishes the following as well:
1.
It keeps God at the center.
It is easy to allow a “concern” to become the predominant
factor of the morning in your heart, or the heart of the person you jabbed with
it.
All days are God’s days … but Sundays are special. It’s
when His people gather together for a unique time of honoring him. If the music is too loud for you, that’s not the most
important thing going on that morning. If you think the youth minister shouldn't wear shorts to church, it can wait until Monday.
Don’t let that consume your mind or that of others for
the morning. Keep God at the center. That’s why we are all here.
2.
It protects the church’s worship experience.
Our sacrifice of praise, if it is to be pleasing to God,
must rise before Him in unity and love. We must cherish not only our time
together, but the gift of joy, peace and love it brings with it.
I’m not suggesting people who complain are intentionally
trying to hurt the unity of the church. I’m saying I don’t bring up our income
taxes or any issues I have with my wife on date night.
There is a time for everything. If you have concerns, Sunday
morning at 10 a.m. right as church is starting ain't it.
3.
It protects first-time or short-time guests.
It protects them from overhearing complaints or breathing
in the foul air of dissension on a morning when unity, love and passion for God
should be most evident.
Some time ago, I had to remove a pair of greeters (the
kind that hand you a bulletin and say “Hi” as you arrive) before church because
they were griping loudly about a perceived lack of cleanliness of the facility
as people arrived for worship.
People arriving actually had to walk between them to get
on site. They were loud and not ignorable to everyone arriving. I warned them
kindly but firmly. They wouldn't stop.
So, we replaced them. They later apologized and both went
on to become excellent greeters.
4.
It preserves the staff’s focus and frame of heart for the morning.
When the preacher, worship leader, elder, or whomever is
pulled off-focus or newly discouraged from a complaint session (whether gentle
or coarse), the impact will be felt. You would be amazed at the things people
say to preachers right before they preach, worship leaders right before the
first strum or hum.
If you have a complaint, you should know that you are
highly unlikely to get a good hearing for your complaint on Sunday anyway. It
would be much, much better to wait until people aren’t rushing around and can
actually listen.
5.
It vets complaints and thus helps people control their emotions and tongues.
Some people feel as though it is a virtue to say what’s
on their mind—right then. It’s really not. Saying what’s on your mind is a
virtue when you really need to do it. But, that’s not usually Sundays. If you
are still mad about it on Monday, reach out. That will let you know whether or
not it really bothers you and will respect the church’s gatherings. Don’t take
hostages on Sunday morning. No drive-by or hit-and-run verbal attacks that
discourage others. Half of complaints would never be uttered if people weren't able to do it Sundays.
Imagine what Sundays could be like if the church, from
leaders to guests, could punt concerns until Monday—focusing instead on
encouragement and welcoming the outsider. What a difference that might make in
our weekend gatherings.
Concerns
aren’t unimportant. Sometimes, they just aren’t that important.
Dr. Tim Spivey is Lead Planter of New Vintage Church in
San Diego, California--a fast-growing plant launched in 2011. Tim is also the
purveyor of New Vintage Leadership - a blog offering cutting edge insights on
leadership and theology and the author of numerous articles and one book:
Jesus, the Powerful Servant.
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