Article by Russell Moore - July 2018 |
My denomination is dealing these days with a pastor in
California who reversed
his position on homosexuality. The pastor said that his shift
coincided with his 15-year-old son’s announcement that he is gay.
This is a situation every Christian should think through,
now. As I’ve said
before, at stake on the issue of a Christian sexual
ethic is the gospel of Jesus Christ. But what if, sitting across
from you, is your child or grandchild?
You will, without a doubt, have someone close to you in
your family
come out as gay or lesbian, if not already, then sometime in the
future.
How
should a Christian parent or grandparent respond?
One of the reasons this is such a crushing experience for
many is because they assume that their alternatives are affirmation or
alienation. I either give up my relationship with my child or I give up the
Bible. The gospel never suggests this set of alternatives, and in fact
demonstrates just the opposite.
Every child, whether gay or straight, is
oriented toward sin, and so are you. If your child or grandchild says
he or she is gay, you shouldn’t act shocked, as though you are surprised your
child might be tempted toward sin or that you find your own sinful inclinations
somehow less deserving of God’s judgment.
Your
child’s point of temptation doesn’t mean that your
entire relationship with him or her should be defined by that. We don’t affirm
what the Bible says is wrong simply because someone we love is drawn toward it,
whether that’s “straight” fornication or gay relationships.
At the same time, that doesn’t mean your entire
relationship is now to become a sparring match over Romans 1.
Ironically, those who cut off all relationship with a gay
child buy into the narrative of the Sexual Revolutionaries, that every aspect
of one’s identity is defined by sexual
orientation and activity.
As a Christian, you believe this person is made in
the image
of God, and thus worthy of love, regardless of how far away from God or
from you.
First
of all, consider what your child is telling you.
He or she could be saying that this is an identity, from
which they refuse to repent. That will require a different sort of response
than if the child is saying, “This is how I feel, so what do I do?” This will
change the way you respond, but what doesn’t change is your love and care for
this child.
Don’t
panic, and don’t reject them.
Say explicitly that you love that child, no matter what,
and mean it. Your relationship wasn’t formed by the child’s performance, and
that won’t start now.
If your loved one is a Christian, spend time over the years
discipling him or her about what following Christ looks like. Jesus isn’t
shocked by his or her temptations, and will not leave him or her alone to fight
them.
The path toward chastity and fidelity to Christ is a
difficult one, and your child or grandchild will need you and the church and
the great cloud of witnesses to cheer him or her on as they walk a path that
can be lonely in a world that too often defines sex and sexuality as ultimate
in life.
If your loved one isn’t a Christian, express your love,
keep the relationship going and be a gracious gospel witness.
God never promises us that our children or grandchildren
will all walk the way of Christ. Every wandering son or daughter needs to know that
if the moment of crisis comes in his or her life, there’s a house waiting with
a fatted-calf party ready to go, welcoming the wanderer home.
One of the reasons this is so hard for some parents and
grandparents is because somehow we assume this issue to be merely a “culture
war” issue, and not a gospel issue. As such, parents are often perplexed as to
how to deal with this in their families because they think this is about them.
They wonder if others will judge them, as though they did
something to “cause” this.
That’s ridiculous, and it leads people ultimately either to
reject biblical teaching to keep their kids or reject their kids (and their
gospel witness to them) for the sake of appearing to keep the biblical
teaching.
At the root of all of that is pride, and I don’t mean that
in the sense of “gay pride” but in the sense of carnal self-seeking. That’s a
temptation for all parents, not just for those of gay children. We’re tempted
to see our children as reflections of ourselves, and we’re tempted then to keep
up our image.
Crucify
that temptation.
God calls us to holiness and to encourage one another to
holiness. The Bible is clear that this means fleeing from sexual immorality,
and that includes same-sex sexual activity (1 Cor. 6). God also calls parents
to love their children.
Be clear about your convictions, and at the same time don’t
exile your child from your life. If we sacrifice grace for truth or truth for
grace, we’re sub-Christian.
Source:
This post was originally posted HERE
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