Like it or not, the world’s built on first impressions.
People’s perceptions of you—how much they remember or pay attention to you,
whether they’re engaged by you, whether they’ll have or even want another
conversation with you, what they’ll tell others about you, and why they may
seek you out in the future—are all based on their initial encounter with you.
And knowing what kind of first impression you make involves
a little self-awareness. But obviously, being self-aware doesn’t magically occur
overnight. It requires you to understand the ways you shine and the ways you
suck. You have to know your pitfalls and shortcomings. (We’re sure you don’t
have many, but we all have things we can work on.) It’s worth taking the time
to become though. Because when you’re self-aware, you learn to play to your
strengths and minimize or eliminate your weaknesses.
This takes practice, of course. So, that’s why we suggest
people start by taking inventory—as in make a list, check it more than twice,
and write down your answers on a piece of paper. When you’re forced to write it
down, you’re forced to be truthful with yourself.
This is for your eyes only (unless you want to share it
with someone else), so we encourage you to be honest. By looking into yourself,
you can determine what needs adjustment, what calls for just a little tweaking,
and what works in your favor:
- Do you understand the concept of personal space?
- Do
you exude confidence or arrogance?
- Are
you a listener or a talker?
- Do
your words carry weight or air?
- Are
you a good public speaker, or are you better online?
- Are
you comfortable walking up to a stranger and striking up a conversation,
or would that give you a panic attack?
- How
do others really see you upon first contact?
- What
sorts of things are you really bad at when it comes to meeting with
people?
- Do
you need help getting organized?
- Are
you a good decision maker?
- Do
you take time getting back to people?
- Do
you hate conversations that aren’t about your interests or matters of
importance to you?
- Do
you like small talk?
- Are
you naturally inquisitive or close-minded?
- Have
you ever changed your position on a deeply held belief?
- Do
you lie? If so, why? Is it because you want to feel self-important or
because you feel like you need to keep up and fit in?
- Finally,
are you okay with what you’ve learned about yourself? Is there anything
that bears correction?
So, now what?
Well, we’ve done this ourselves, by the way. And what we
learned has helped us immensely in our own lives.
Scott, for example, often makes business decisions in the
moment, but sometimes that’s been a negative in his life. Earlier in his
career, acting quickly on introducing people backfired. He skipped critical
thinking steps that could have avoided burning bridges or turning people off.
After doing this inventory and realizing this, he’s changed the way he makes
decisions. While he still makes business decisions daily, he rarely acts
impulsively anymore.
Ryan, on the other hand, is a better listener than talker
in group situations. This can be a strength and also a weakness, especially
when more outgoing people are involved in a group conversation and his instinct
is to take the backseat and let them tell their stories. “It’s great to be a
good listener, but difficult for me to make an impression and drive the
conversation in these situations,” he says. To compensate, he often carves out
one-on-one time with the people who matter to him. Sharing a cup of coffee at a
cozy café is probably more valuable than an open bar at a group networking
event.
Try this exercise out for yourself and use it as a jumping
off point to decide in what situations you shine, and in which situations you
might not. The more you understand about yourself, the easier it’ll be for you
to create those powerful connections and become a superconnector.
Source: by SCOTT
GERBER AND RYAN PAUGH
Excerpted from Superconnector: Stop Networking and Start Building Business
Relationships That Matter by Scott Gerber and Ryan Paugh. Copyright ©
2018. Available from Da Capo Lifelong Books, an imprint of Perseus Books, LLC,
a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
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