Friday, April 8, 2016

Friday Funnies - Enjoy!

A few funny stories from the archives of Pastor Rick:

With Sunday coming - here is a way to practice practical Christianity -

There is the allegedly true story of Father George who began his sermon early one Sunday morning by announcing to his congregation at St John's, Newbury, England, 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.'
Father Michael, of St Mary's church began his sermon with this story: 'I was on a plane last week, from Edinburgh to London, when we ran into some very severe weather which resulted in turbulence. As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and even the airline stewards began to look concerned.
Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Reverend' in front of my name on the passenger list, so she approached me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don't something religious?'
'So I took up a collection,' retold Father Michael with a grin.

Humor is not always contrived. Several friends of mine were teachers in their 'previous lives' and can vouch for the fact that children often create funny moments without meaning to cause laughter. Here are some examples which we have come across.

 was struggling to get the tomato ketchup out of the bottle. As she was trying the phone rang and her 4 year old daughter, Mia, answered it saying, 'Sorry, mummy can't come to the phone at the moment because she's hitting the bottle.'
Roger, the local police/school liaison officer was in Green Barn Primary School, Sherborne, Dorset, UK, on an official visit when Mary, age 6, approached him.
'Are you a policeman?' Mary asked. 
'Yes,' answered Roger smiling.
'My mum said if I was ever in trouble then I ought to ask a policeman for help. Is that true?' 
'Of course,' uttered Roger.
'Then will you please tie my shoelace?' said Mary.
Jenny was watching her daddy getting dressed in his dinner jacket [tuxedo] before the party.
'You shouldn't wear that, daddy,' she murmured. 
'Why, darling?' inquired her father of Jenny.
'Well you know it always gives you a headache in the morning, said Jenny.'
Chris was driving his 4 year old, Betsy, to the beach one summer when a woman in a cabriolet in front stood up and waved. She was absolutely naked and as Chris was recovering from the shock he heard Betsy shout,' Look, daddy, that woman isn't wearing a seat belt.'
Maggie, was an infant school teacher, and on her first day with the reception class [1st graders] at Northern Primary, Portchester, a little girl gave her a note which said: 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of her parents.'
Steve, age 6 years, became lost in the sports complex known as HMS Temeraire, the Royal Navy Physical Training centre in Portsmouth, UK. Seeing a ladies locker room [changing facility] in front of him he darted in to ask for help. When he was spotted the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. Steve watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
Jack, the Westbourne village police officer, parked his van outside the police station in Havant and was about to collect his police dog, a German shepherd, from the back. The dog was barking rather loudly and a little boy who was watching asked the policeman, 'Is that a dog you've got there?'
'Yes,' smiled Jack.
The little boy looked extremely puzzled and eventually asked, 'What did he do?'
Paul, while working for 'meals-on-wheels', an organisation that delivers lunches to the elderly, Paul used to take his 4-year-old daughter, Lois, with him on his afternoon rounds. Lois was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the walking sticks, triangular walkers and the wheelchairs.
One day Paul found Lois staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As he prepared himself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Lois merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy is never going to believe this.'
Nathan, after his first day at school, returned home and told his mother, 'I'm wasting my time at school. I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk.'
Father John, while walking along the pavement in front of his church, heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son, Rory, and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and some cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.  Rory, the minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said, 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'

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