Good Marriages Don't Just Happen - You Work At It.....

 Long post but very important. This past week I celebrated 25 years of marriage.  It’s has been quite the journey for David and I.

I had someone write me yesterday and she stated, “My marriage could never be as good as yours.”  My response to her was… “yes it can. Anyone’s marriage can be like ours.” 

So I felt led to explain what we’ve learned our 25 years married and the secrets to our wonderful love filled marriage.

1.     We keep Christ first in our marriage.  We worship together.  Study His word together and make sure that God is at the center of our marriage, our plans, our goals, etc etc.

2.     We never quit.  Walking away was never an option.  We’ve told each other that time and time again.  It may take us a while to figure things out, but we will work at it until we do.

3.     We let go of the petty things.  Some things just aren’t worth arguing about.  Seriously, we spent way too much time and energy on stupid stuff.  We fought so much our first few years married, we couldn’t see the light at the end of our marriage tunnel.

4.     We forgive and give a lot of GRACE. Apologizing, even when we are not at fault.  You don’t have to always prove your point.  Just forgive and move on from the moment.  Just stop it!

5.     We kept pushing through, even when the love appeared to be gone.  Love is not about feelings, it’s all about commitment.  I will repeat what I said in a different way… LOVE IS NOT A FEELING.  It doesn’t come and go. There was a point where there was nothing left for one another, but we went back to #2 on our list and we never quit.  Love never quits.

6.     We never stopped dating each other.  Making time for one another is so important.  Please note, your spouse may never become a planner.  It’s okay if you are the one making all the plans.  I spent way too much time frustrated that my husband never surprised me or lost the romance.  He wouldn’t take hints.  Just keep dating!!!  Guess what?  He figured it out at some point and plans things now. Which brings me to the next one.

7.     Marriage is a growing process.  We don’t have all the answers.  We won’t do things right all the time.  We forget things and neglect one another and even take each other for granted.  Why?  Because we are human.  But we grow up and we figure things out.  Marriage takes time.  Give it time.

8.     We learned to give each other personal space and support.  Self-care is vital.  We are individuals with our own dreams, wants and desires.   Balance is key here.  That doesn’t mean you go away every weekend or leave every evening to do your thing.  It means that you find an agreed upon balance. 

9.     We study one another.  We’ve learned each other’s strengths and weakness. We have read books together and taken tests.  Tests like: Strength based marriage test, Enneagram test, love languages and more.  Learning about one another helps you to understand each other better.

10.  We put one another first.  Our children are not first in our household!  This may come as a huge shock to some of you.  You have no idea how many marriages fail because they are arguing about their children.  My spouse comes before my children and my children know that.

11.  We work as a team.  He doesn’t help me and I don’t help him.  We work as ONE!  Even at dinner.  We cook together and if one of us gets home and starts dinner first, the other washes the dishes. We do life together. 

12.  We talk about everything.  Even when we are struggling with temptations.  We are each others accountability partner.  We keep nothing from one another. Nothing!

13.  We’ve cancelled debts.  This was a big one.  It doesn’t matter how bad we’ve wronged each other.  It’s done.  It’s over.  It’s squashed and should never be brought up again, no matter how upset we get.

14.  Arguments are inevitable.  You are two opposites, coming as one.  So, we learned to fight fair. We try to avoid personal jabs and stick to the facts of the argument. Don’t add stuff or go backwards and speak about past things.  Again, see number 13 about cancelling debts.

15.  We’ve learned each other’s language.  We don’t communicate the same.  What I said verses what my spouse heard was an issue for a long time.  I may not have meant to offend my spouse but they were offended.  So we learned each others trigger words, frustrations, etc.  Marriage on the Rock was an incredible study to learn about these things.

16.  We took a financial class together.  We were polar opposites, even in our finances.  We found Financial Peace University and found a common ground we could both agree on.  I highly recommend every marriage take this class.

17.  We went to counseling!  Say what?  Counseling?  YES.  Counseling doesn’t mean your marriage is over.  It means you are willing to admit that you don’t have all the answers and you need someone to help you process through things.  We had dealt with a lot of tragedy and loss, and there comes a time in life where you need help.  It’s okay to get help!

18.  We learned to keep out outside voices.  Who you talk to and what you tell them can make or break your marriage.  Not everyone needs to hear your struggles.  If you want to speak to someone, speak to someone who’s been there and done that.  Someone who has been married at least 10 years more than you.  Don’t speak to anyone who isn’t married.

19.  We set boundaries.  Boundaries?  What does that mean?  A simple one for us included, never going out, texting or speaking with someone of the opposite sex.  We have friends but we add each other to the conversations. We do this out of respect for each other.

20.  We sacrificed for one another.  We are selfish humans who want things our own way and for own benefit.  But it’s okay to put the other first sometimes and vice versa.  Finding balance is key.  That means sometimes I go shooting with him and sometimes he goes to a museum with me.

21.  The classic don’t go to bed angry… never worked for us.  We went to bed angry quite a bit. But I will say this… we never went to bed without praying.  Prayer changes things.  Pray often.  Pray together, pray separately, pray with your children… PRAY!

22.  Honest about intimacy.  This one is important and hardly ever spoken of.  But be real with your spouse about intimacy behind closed doors.  If they aren’t pleasing you… tell them.  Yes.  Tell them.  Don’t hold it in and then be upset about it.  Them not pleasing you isn’t an excuse for cheating.  TELL THEM!  They may not have a clue that you have desires.  Open honesty about your needs could spice things up and be the change needed in the bedroom.

23.  Tomorrow is not promised.  Go on those vacations now.  Work on the bucket list today.  Complement each other daily.  Text your spouse you are thinking of them.  Say I LOVE YOU a lot. Kiss each other hello and goodbye.  Don’t worry about what was or what could be, but take your marriage one day at a time.  There have been times in our marriage where we’ve had to take it one minute at time, and it was worth it.

24.  We live our marriage out in front of everyone but especially in front of your kids – we let them see us laugh, cry, dance, and live together. We let them see us resolve our conflict in a healthy way, so they can also do the same with their spouse one day.

25.  We realized we aren’t perfect. Fairytales are fake.  Romance must be worked at.  Marriage is hard and can be absolute beautiful if we would stop comparing ourselves to others and just work on what’s right in front of us here and now.  My happily ever began the day I realized that a perfect marriage is an illusion.  Marriage is not perfect.  God gave us each other for a reason, if we just learn and give our marriage time… we can have the marriage of our dreams!!!

Facebook Post by Arlene Berry

16 Quotes on the Benefit of Sleep

 

The average person spends about a third of their life sleeping. That’s a lot of time, but it’s time well spent. Sleep is vital for a healthy life. While we are asleep, our bodies have a chance to restore themselves, giving our immune, nervous, skeletal, and muscular systems a well-earned break and time to renew.

 

At the same time, our senses diminish and our minds enter a state of altered consciousness: We dream. Our sleeping minds process our waking experiences, improving mood, memory, and cognitive function.

 

 

Considering the importance of rest and the endlessly fascinating nature of dreams, sleep has long been a subject of extensive research, from ancient philosophers to modern psychologists.

 

Today, the general consensus is that adults need between seven and nine hours of sleep per day — but that’s certainly not a hard and fast rule. Many successful people have claimed to get by just fine on four to five hours a night;

 

 

Thomas Edison was famously opposed to sleeping, considering it “a heritage from our cave days” and preferring to sleep for just three or four hours a day.

 

 

Edison, however, is certainly in a minority when it comes to his opinion of sleep. For most of us, sleep is a wonderful break, and we’d be happy to sleep for longer — especially when the dreaded alarm sounds in the morning. And we’re not alone. Many famous figures, from Homer to Homer Simpson, have extolled the virtues of sleep, as the following quotes reveal.

 

 

There is a time for many words and there is a time for sleep.                                             — Homer

 

Even a soul submerged in sleep is hard at work and helps make something of the world.         — Heraclitus

 

 

We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.       — William Shakespeare

 

 

Oh sleep! it is a gentle thing, beloved from pole to pole.
                                             — Samuel Taylor Coleridge

 

 

Sleep! Life's nurse, sent from heaven to create us anew day by day.                              — Charles Reade, novelist

 

 

That we are not much sicker and much madder than we are is due exclusively to that most blessed and blessing of all natural graces, sleep.                    — Aldous Huxley

 

 

It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.                  — John Steinbeck

 

 

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.           — Wilson Mizner, playwright

 

 

When action grows unprofitable, gather information; when information grows unprofitable, sleep.
                                                     — Ursula K. Le Guin

 

 

Sleep is the Swiss Army knife of health. When sleep is deficient, there is sickness and disease. And when sleep is abundant, there is vitality and health.
                                       — Matthew Walker, neuroscientist

 

 

In the end, winning is sleeping better.     — Jodie Foster

 

 

In ancient cultures, sleep was actually seen as a gateway to another world. There's something sacred in all of us that we need to protect, and sleep is a way to connect with it, nourish it, and make it more present in our lives.
                                                       — Arianna Huffington

 

 

Sleep is like a cat: It only comes to you if you ignore it.
                                                  — Gillian Flynn, author

 

 

Having peace, happiness, and healthiness is my definition of beauty. And you can't have any of that without sleep.                                        — Beyoncé

 

 

Sleep is a regenerative process where we heal and where our neurons build strong connections. It’s like a fountain of youth that we dive in to every night.
                               — Mikhail Varshavski, aka Dr. Mike

 

 

I don't wanna sleep like a guinea pig, I wanna sleep like a bear!                      — Homer Simpson

HOW WE LOOK AT OTHERS MATTERS

 

Do you know Edward Kimball? Most people have never heard of him. Edward taught Sunday school in a small church in Boston, Massachusetts in the mid-nineteenth century. He often felt like a failure while teaching the young men in his class. The kids fooled around or fell asleep in class. One day it seemed like the Holy Spirit pressed it upon Edward to visit the students in their homes or work. He did not know if the impression was God or bad food from the night before, but he acted in faith. He visited a Sunday school student who worked as a shoe store clerk and shared his hope in Jesus Christ and heart for all the boys in the class. The boy did not say a word. Kimball felt like he botched the opportunity. However, after work the boy went outside, sat on a park bench, and trusted Jesus Christ as his Savior. The boy’s name was D. L. Moody who went on to be one of America’s all-time greatest preachers. The story does not stop here.

Moody preached across America and Europe and influenced a British country preacher by the name of F. B. Meyer. At Moody’s invitation, F. B. Meyer toured the U.S.A. He challenged crowds, “If you are not willing to give up everything for Christ, are you willing to be made willing?” That remark influenced a struggling pastor named Wilbur Chapman. Chapman became a powerful evangelist and mentored the prominent baseball player, Billy Sunday who quit baseball to preach. In 1924, Billy Sunday had a huge influence upon men in Charlotte, North Carolina. These men wanted revival to come to their city, but Billy Sunday could not come again due to failing health. He pointed them to Mordecai Ham to hold a citywide crusade in Charlotte. The story does not stop here.

During one of the nights of the tent revival, a tall, lanky, high school kid with wavy blond hair named Billy Frank came into the tent. He accepted Christ that night. Can you guess Billy Frank’s last name? Graham! Billy has preached to more people than anyone else in world history.

 

All of this happened because an unknown man named Edward Kimble said “yes” to the Holy Spirit and got in the game. He was not a pastor, evangelist, but a Sunday school teacher. Be careful if you ever wonder, “How could God ever use someone like me?”

We need to look at people through redemptive eyes picturing who they might become. Jesus saw a hidden philanthropist in Zacchaeus, a passionate worshipper in Mary Magdalene, a world-changer in a terrorist named Saul. Who knew God would transform an agnostic professor named C.S. Lewis and Richard Nixon’s hatchet man named Chuck Colson, to be mighty warriors of faith in our lifetimes? 

The next Billy Graham may be drunk right now. The next Mother Teresa may be placed in a foster-home this week. The next Augustine may be a promiscuous prodigal right now… just like the first one was as a young man. The Spirit of God delights in doing turnarounds. Do not forget Edward Kimball. God wants to use you.

Rick's Recipes: An Apple Galette

 

Apple galette is a great way to introduce autumn. In addition to cider, pumpkins, and pie, this recipe is a great addition to your kitchen. Make this dainty dessert for your family or for guests.

 

Make this apple galette recipe with a tart apple – and you get to choose which tart apple you like best. Granny Smith is an option – but my daughter also used Gala apples for this recipe.

 

You’ll need to make the crust and give it time to refrigerate. While the dough is in the refrigerator, you can make the filling.  The extra effort to make the crust is well-worth the time it takes. Your family and your guests will be delighted when you serve this apple galette to them.

 

 

Author: MyWindowsill

Recipe type: Dessert

Cuisine: American

Prep time:  20 mins

Cook time:  45 mins

Total time:  1 hour 5 mins

Serves: 8 servings

 

An apple dessert that is a cross between a pie and a tart. Worth every minute of effort. Dainty, delicate, and delicious!

 

Ingredients:

 

• PIE CRUST
• 1¼ c flour
• 1 Tablespoon sugar
• ¾ tsp salt
• ½ c cold unsalted butter
• ¼ c ice cold water (add more if needed - one tablespoon at a time as needed to bring dough together)

 

• FILLING
• 4 apples: peeled, cored, sliced
• 4 Tablespoons brown sugar
• 1½ Tbsp. lemon juice
• 1½ teaspoons cinnamon
• ½ tsp salt
• 1 Tablespoon sugar
• EGG WASH: beaten egg with 1 tsp water

 

 

Instructions:

 

1.  CRUST

2.  Combine flour, sugar, and salt

3.  Add butter in cubes

4.  Mix together until crumbly

5.  Add water slowly-just enough to bring dough together

6.  Flatten dough into a disc and put in fridge while you make the filling

 

7.  FILLING

8.  Combine apples, lemon juice, brown sugar, salt, and cinnamon

9.  Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

10.             Roll dough on floured surface into 12in disc.

11.             Place dough on parchment paper on a baking tray.

12.             Arrange apples on crust-reserving 1-inch of crust                around the edge.

13.             Fold the inch of crust over on top of the filling.

14.             Brush the edge of crust with egg wash and sprinkle             with sugar.

15.             Bake for 40-45min or until crust is golden and fruit is           tender.

16.             Let cool on cooling rack and then serve.

 

 

Friday Funnies: Steve's Top 3 Kid Interviews || STEVE HARVEY

Steve has met a lot of great kids on the show - here's some of our favorite moments!

 

11 Classic Quotes From 'The Brady Bunch'

 

“Wisdom” might not be the first word that comes to mind when thinking about The Brady Bunch (try “wholesome” or “cheesy” instead), but it definitely encompasses the wide-ranging life lessons that the six Brady kids (and their parents!) learned over the course of five seasons.

 

The series follows Mike Brady (Robert Reed) and his second wife, Carol Martin (Florence Henderson), both of them widowed, and their ragtag crew of kids from previous marriages— Greg (Barry Williams), Marcia (Maureen McCormick), Peter (Christopher Knight), Jan (Eve Plumb), Bobby (Mike Lookinland), and Cindy (Susan Olsen) — as they all come together and learn how to exist as a blended family.

 

The family’s housekeeper, Alice (Ann B. Davis), offers up a lot of wise-cracking opinions along the way.

 

 

Storylines often follow the typical sitcom formulas: competition amongst the siblings (“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” is a trademark line from middle sister Jan); love and dating; and doing well in school. The series aired from 1969 to 1974, and thanks to heavy syndication, inspired spinoffs, reunion specials, spoofy feature films, and more (HGTV’s recent A Very Brady Renovation, anyone?). It was later criticized for failing to address some of the bigger social issues happening at the time, such as the Vietnam War, the rise of feminism, and calls for racial justice.

 

 

But The Brady Bunch was focused on the microcosm of one family and its quotidian happenings from the start, intending to provide some lighthearted family entertainment during a tumultuous time in American history. Here, we’ve highlighted 13 pearls of wisdom offered up by members of the Brady family over the years.

 

 

If there's anything I can't stand, it's a perfect kid. And SIX of 'em, yecch!                   — Alice Nelson

 

 

Alone, we can only move buckets. But if we work together, we can drain rivers.      — Mike Brady

 

 

Sometimes you can help a sad little heart with a happy little tummy.                                — Alice Nelson

 

 

I’m not a snitcher; I just tell it like it is.   — Cindy Brady

 

 

You ask a foolish question, you get a foolish answer.
                                                           — Alice Nelson

 

 

Cindy, you don’t ask a boy to call you. You get them to call you.                          — Marcia Brady

 

 

Boys are tricky.                    — Jan Brady

 

It’s pretty hard to fix a broken heart.      — Marcia Brady

 

 

Cindy, you know by tattling on your friends, you’re really just tattling on yourself. By tattling on your friends, you’re just telling them that you’re a tattletale. Now is that the tale you want to tell?            — Mike Brady

 

 

Women are different, we'll just sit calmly and work everything out.                         — Carol Brady

 

 

Jan, a real friend likes you for who you are, not what's on your face.                 — Mike Brady

 

 

I am a little Sunflower; sunny, brave and true. From tiny bud to blossom, I do good deeds for you.  — Peter Brady

 

 

I don't have to be logical; I'm a mother.
                                        — Carol Brady

Let God be your Defender.

 

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”

Psalm 23:5 (NIV)

Our civilization is losing its civility. The world is getting ruder! The internet plays a part in this, because it allows people to hide behind the screen and say things online that they would never have the courage to say to others face-to-face. As a pastor, you’re likely on the other end of some of these attacks.

People who do this reveal the smallness of their hearts. Great people make people feel great, but small people belittle people. People who belittle others have a little knot for a heart, and they make fun of others because they think it will make them feel better.

So how do you handle rude people? You don’t. You let God handle them. 

You let God be your defender.

King David was a pro at this. He knew what it meant to be attacked emotionally, verbally, and physically. As a young man, he was anointed by Samuel to be the next king of Israel, but spent two years running from his predecessor, King Saul, who wanted to kill him. He hid in caves while being criticized constantly behind his back.

Yet David never said a bad word against the king. He never retaliated, because God was preparing him to be the king after God’s own heart.

David says in Psalm 23:5, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows” (NIV).

David recognized God’s goodness to him. God anointed his head with oil, which says to the world, “This is my guy! Back off! He is going to be the next leader.” David’s cup overflowed, which meant God kept blessing him and blessing him, even when others attacked him.

Does it sound like David was stressed out? No! He didn’t have to use up all of his energy defending himself because he trusted God to be his defender.

It takes a lot of faith and humility to rest and trust God when you’re under attack, when you’re misunderstood, when rumors are spreading about you, and when people are saying untrue things about you online. When that happens, everything in you wants to rise up and do something about it.

But you are most like Christ when you remain silent under attack. Jesus was constantly attacked, yet he never retaliated, even on his way to the cross. He remained silent before his accusers because he had entrusted himself to the care of the Father.

If you are currently under attack, take comfort in this verse:

“So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you” (1 Peter 4:19 NLT).

Rick's Recipes: Easy Oven Baked Chicken

 

This oven-baked chicken dish evolved over the years, and I can’t tell you where I got it from originally.  I like this recipe because it goes well with any type of chicken: leg quarters, breasts, thighs, drumsticks, or nugget-sized pieces.  Bone-in or boneless works for me.

 

Melt some butter in the bottom of the casserole dish you will be using – and the size of your dish will depend on how large a crowd you’re feeding. Likewise, the amount of butter will vary depending on how much you need to cover the bottom of the pan.

 

While the butter is melting, get your chicken ready.  You can remove the skin or leave it on.  If you’re using boneless chicken, slice it into the sizes you want.  When I’m feeding kids, I use smaller nugget-sized pieces.  If I’m serving adults,   I slice the breasts long and thin. ( As pictured above.)

 

Then, mix up your flour and seasonings.  You’ll need flour, salt and pepper, paprika, and onion and garlic powder (optional).

 

 

Dip the chicken pieces in the flour, turning to cover; then place in the melted butter, also turning the chicken to cover it.

 

Two ways to bake this oven-baked chicken:

 

Put into a 400-degree oven and bake for one hour, turning half-way through baking.  If you want to do this ahead, you can bake it for 40 minutes and then refrigerate.  A day or two later just put your pan back into the oven and finish the 20 minutes baking time.  

 

Here’s the recipe:

 

 

Author: MyWindowsill

Recipe type: Main

Cuisine: American

Prep time:  10 mins

Cook time:  60 mins

Total time:  1 hour 10 mins

Serves: 6

 

An easy oven-baked chicken dish that is enjoyed by kids as well as adults. Season according to your taste, and you're good to go.

 

Ingredients:

 

• ¾ cup flour
• 1 tsp salt
• ½ tsp pepper
• 2 Tbsp paprika
• 4 chicken breasts, sliced thin (or leg quarters or chicken thighs)
• ½ cup butter
• Optional: onion and/or garlic powder - 1 Tbsp. of each

 

Instructions:

 

1.  If using chicken breasts, cut into thin slices or bite-sized pieces

2.  Melt butter in casserole dish

3.  Mix flour, salt, pepper, paprika and (optional) onion and garlic powder

4.  Dip chicken pieces into flour mixture, covering all sides

5.  Place chicken pieces into melted butter and turn, coating

6.  Bake at 400 for 60 minutes or until done, turning half-way through.

 

Friday Funnies: Merritt Heaton, Illinois Oldest Farmer Steals The Show

Merritt Heaton, Illinois Oldest Farmer Steals The Show | Carson Tonight Show Original airdate: 02/03/1988

 

The “way of a ship” from Proverbs.

 

There are three things, the writer of Proverbs says, that are amazing to him – four that he does not understand. Then he lists them, one by one. The first one is “the way of an eagle in the air.” The second one is “the way of a snake on a rock.”

 

A ship’s power

 

A ship sails into storms with the bow facing forward. It is designed for give and take as it wrestles through billows and storms. Cargo ships  try to stay well offshore when there is a major storm at sea. If the ship is too close to land, the storm can drive the ship onto the land.  Brian Anderson says:

If your ship is built correctly, . . . it’ll take the beating not by force, but by a calculated give and take.

Any massive seafaring ship worth its weight in salt is designed to flex through rough waters—. . . maritime engineers and architects who build these things  . . . [do so by] . . . calculations to allow big ships to twist slowly side to side like a sea snake on Ativan, and also bow up and down (this is what’s known as hog and sag.) If not for these applied mathematicals, the vessels would literally snap apart.

A ship is built to withstand the tempests it meets. It is built to transport passengers and cargo from one shore to another. Sometimes a ship is built for the purpose of defense or protection. No matter its purpose, it must be built to withstand the waves on the oceans. When it glides across smooth waters or moves in rhythm with turbulence, it is a sight of beauty.

 

The way of a ship on high seas

High seas are international bodies of salt water without jurisdiction of specific countries and shores. The water is open, free, and continually moving with the ebb and flow of the tides. The way of a ship on high seas is to slice through oceans of depth, moving from one continent or country to another. It involves transfer and time. The way of a ship on high seas is to bend and move with the waves, whether they be turbulent or calm. The ship is not changed by the storms or the calm; it merely responds without flexing resistance, riding out the storms. This is how it is sustained.

Learning from a ship on high seas

Ships are designed and built to charter waters, no matter how soft or strong the gale. Ships are designed to flex through turbulence, remaining unbroken. There is power in the way the ship is built – and even more power in the way it handles itself during turbulence, using its design to move in sync with the storm instead of against the storm. We are designed to withstand turbulence because our Maker is our sustainer.

Our purpose is to continue to move through chartered or unchartered waters without breaking because we bend with the wind and come out strong. By keeping the bow facing forward into the storm, we remain strong. Our course is set by the Word of God. When we follow that course, we remain safe.

Originally Posted HERE